Choices: They can unlock greatness or keep you bound...what will you choose?

It is so ironic that the topic for this blog post is about how choices and decision-making can impact our lives, as it has only taken me a year and a half to finally complete this post.  Let’s just say that this post has not always been at the top of my to-do list.  I have been chipping away at this piece for a while now.  There were some days that I was intentional about sitting down to finish the post, other days where I would have to force myself to put something down on paper, and many days where I set a deadline only to procrastinate and still leave the post incomplete.  Well, I’m happy to say that it is finally finished on my 34th birthday and I’m excited about sharing some of my life lessons with you all.

Let’s dive in…

Everyday when we wake up we are faced with choices that have to be made. Some are made on the fly, others premeditated.  Should we eat breakfast or do we have enough time to just grab a banana and run out of the door? Have an hour long quiet time session with God or just pray in the car?  Will I fix my attitude since I “woke up on the wrong side of the bed” or will I remain in my funk?  Will I allow my past to dictate my future or will I do something about my future by changing my perspective and habits?  I can go on and on about the choices we’re faced with daily, but the point is, our daily decisions impact our experiences, our quality of life, and the direction of our lives.

Over a year ago, the topic of choices and decision-making came about as I discussed various concerns with my friends and observed different things occurring in my life.  I noticed that many of the discussions I was having with both my friends and clients were surrounded around the fact that at some point we must make decisions about what we want in life.  For instance, I asked one of my friends how she became so confident in herself.  She and I were college roommates in undergrad and she is now a Neonatologist (pediatrician who specializes in the care of premature and ill babies), so confidence was necessary for her to get to this level in her career.  It was equally important for her to understand her identity and she had to commit to a lifestyle of perseverance and refuse the idea of settling.  My question to her derived from a discussion we had a year prior about relational boundaries and how we understand our worth and what we bring to the table in comparison to how we viewed ourselves in the past.  Her answer was, “One day I thought about who I want to be and how I want to feel and I decided that I would make choices that align with that.” She’s absolutely correct! It is extremely important to take time to sit still, seek God, and visualize your future self.  When we do this, God downloads visions into our subconscious.  It is difficult and altogether unwise to make decisions that do not align with what we see in our dreams and visions.  However, when we take time to sit still and dream, we ultimately, make better decisions that gradually get us closer to the goal(s) that we set for ourselves, and the path that was predestined for us.  Stephen Covey, author of “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” echoed a similar principle in his book.  He stated that we should “keep the end goal in mind.”  In other words, Covey was saying that if we get a picture in our minds of what we want to accomplish, we are more likely to establish habits and make choices that land us right where we desire.  I don’t want to prolong this post with too many stories and details, so I’ve compiled a list of things that will be helpful as you make choices about your life.  My hope is that we will all truly live our best life and that we get what we want out of life, but I realize that getting what we want comes by way of making positive choices along the way.

1.       Seek God about the plans He has for you.  This is number one for a reason.  For the believer in Jesus Christ, this is a lifestyle for us, as we journey through life on earth. We must consult with the One who created us.  Consulting with Him about what he has in store for you eliminates the guessing game we play sometimes. Seeking Him gives us insight and clarity about how to set our goals and what action steps we need to take. Since the beginning of time, He had a purpose in mind concerning you and it is in your best interest to seek Him about what you are to accomplish and do while here on earth.

Matthew 6:33

Proverbs 3:5-6

Proverbs 16:25

Psalm 37:5

Luke 17:33

2.       Take time to dream and visualize yourself in the future.  It is becoming one of my favorite hobbies and most necessary tasks as a believer to take time to sit and dream.  I close my eyes and ask the Lord to show me my future and what He desires for me.  I have recently told him that I want to start with a blank white canvas.  I surrendered everything over to him (i.e. my thoughts, plans, dreams, and personal agenda) and told him to show me what my life is supposed to look like; this takes humility (Luke 17:33).  I ask him who am I supposed to connect with, where is my mission field, how am I supposed to use my influence and gifts, etc.  I am having so much fun with it.  Don’t be afraid of what He shows you because He has promised to help us carry out everything He has purposed us to do, we don’t have to do it alone. 

Job 33:14-15

Jeremiah 1:5-8

Jeremiah 29:11

1 Corinthians 2:11, 16

Habakkuk 2:2

3.       Examine your attitude(s) and consider what you want to hold onto and what needs to be thrown out.  Don’t press the default button.  Meaning, do not go back to what’s familiar; the same old behaviors, attitudes, and narrative that you’re used to.  This may include redefining your interests, new responses, and new coping skills.  If there’s a need to change, then make the change.  How will you know there’s a need to change?  If the behaviors and/or thought patterns interfere with what you are trying to accomplish and if you find yourself unsettled and in positions that are opposite of the will of God.  In other words, no peace, no fulfillment, and too much striving on your end. It is not good enough to be aware of what changes need to be made, but yet, ignore them and continue on the same path.  Doing what you’ve always done will yield the same results you’ve always gotten.  Challenge yourself to do something different so that you can receive different results (e.g. better relationships, peace, joy, or deliverance from old habits). I’ve learned that the quickest way to advance is to obey God’s commands about my character in my current season. He typically does not allow us to go on to level 2 blessings if we’re struggling with level one issues.  Sis, it’s time to level up! Pass those tests that you’re faced with so that you can move up to where you really want to go.  Be prepared to seize the opportunities that are coming your way. People are waiting on you to level up!

James 1:3-4

4.       Ask yourself, “What do I want for myself?”  Many people say that they want peace, happiness, joy, and freedom; yet, they make decisions daily that keep them bound and in a place of torment and despair.  We have to choose to be happy, we have to pursue peace and true peace leads to freedom.  A few years ago I worked a job that I absolutely hated.  I was in this position for five years, but during this time God taught me a serious lesson about choosing happiness over discontentment.  For about a year straight, I went to that job in tears, complaining, and constantly filling out applications all over the U.S.  Until one day, God whispered, “you don’t have to be unhappy here, you choose to be unhappy.”  I didn’t realize that I was waking up every single day choosing to live my life that way.  Just as we choose to be happy, we also choose sadness.  We don’t have to submit ourselves to prolonged feelings of sadness or any prolonged feeling that creates discomfort and unhealthy mental health.  I decided to look into other options and made a decision to return to school. Then, I quickly learned that school presented some of the same dilemmas.  The principle God wanted me to understand was that my circumstances, environment, and other people cannot and should never determine my emotions.  I have to make a conscious decision about what I want, how I want to live my life, and adjust accordingly.  The choice is ours, we hold the power.

Philippians 4:4, 6-8

Philippians 4:11-13

James 1:5-8

James 1:21

2 Timothy 1:7

As I celebrate my 34th birthday, I am reflecting on the things I have accomplished, the unfulfilled goals that remain on my list, my current habits, my character, my faith, my relationship with God, the status of my friendships and familial relationships, my challenges, my career, and the choices that await me.  The last few years of my life have been good, but GREAT awaits!  34 will be the year of true freedom- freedom from the standard of perfection. It will be the year where I walk gracefully, boldly and confidently in my own skin without need for validation from anyone.  God has shown me God-sized dreams that require mustard seed faith and unwavering belief in His power that’s inside of me.  He has shown me what I am capable of…so, say no more, I don’t need anyone’s permission to do what He has called me to do.  I am approved, I am equipped, I am enough, and I am coming for everything He desires for me to have!  Say it with me, “I am approved, I am equipped, I am enough, I make wise choices, and I am coming for everything God desires for me to have!” We got this! Let’s do it!

Fashioned in Confidence…Designed by God,

Nolie

“Wear” is it?

Two piece skirt set: Page XVII (17) by Jasmyne S.

Earrings: Blossom and Autumn

Blazer Dress: Zara by way of TJ Maxx

Heels: Steve Madden Animal Print Lace-Up

Earrings: Tassels from Amazon

Fashioned in Confidence Friday Featuring Jamie Campbell

This month’s Fashioned in Confidence feature is none other than my sister-cousin, Jamie Campbell! Jamie and I are cousins, but growing up we were constantly questioned about whether or not we were actually twin sisters, lol!  We have been connected at the hip since middle school and youth choir days in church.  Jamie is someone that has always embodied confidence in every area of her life.  She excels in the field of education and holds a specialist degree in educational leadership.  She has such a gift to teach; therefore, her teaching gift is not limited to the confines of the classroom.  Jamie, currently teaches a small group with her husband, Gerald, in California.  Jamie is also the mother to my absolute favorite toddler, my dear Godson, Trey.  In the midst of social distancing, take some time to read about how Jamie remains fashioned in confidence as a woman of God, wife, mom, and teacher.

When I think of the word "confidence," I'm instantly reminded of a familiar Bible character by the name of Abraham. You see, Abraham had developed such a level of trust in God that he had no hesitation in killing his son, Isaac. He was confident that God would either bring his son back to life or figure out another plan to ensure that all would be well. As this passage of Scripture illustrates, confidence is an inner belief that you are who God says you are regardless of the circumstance.

I believe that my parents worked hard in instilling a high level of confidence in me from an early age. They would tell me that I was pretty, smart, and could do anything I set my mind to. They were basically filling my head with Scripture which says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. It also says that I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength that I need.  I'd like to think that my mother and father gave me a God-confidence. This is imperative, as the way that I feel about myself could easily change from day to day. However, what God says about me is a dependable, always-on-time reminder of who and whose I am. Because of my God-confidence, I can walk in any room with my head held high because greater is He that is in me than He that is in the world. 

So ladies, how do you build and maintain your confidence? The answer is simple. First, you choose to make Jesus Christ your Lord and Savior. Then, you immerse yourself in his Word and surround yourself with other believers who will remind you of your greatness when the going gets tough. Yes, this is the meaning of confidence. Leaning, depending, and trusting in all of God's promises for his children. If you have little ones, I would encourage you to start pouring God's Word into them now. My son is three and I have made a habit of reminding him that he is the head and not the tail, above and never beneath, a lender and not a borrower. Can you imagine how confident he will be as he transitions from a boy to a man?  Equipping him with these truths is priceless to his success in this life. 

Truly, we are to be clothed in God's Word and his grace, adorned in his love, and forever pressing forth as a woman who is fashioned in abundant confidence. 

Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. Proverbs 31:30

Always Fashioned in God-Confidence,

Jamie

Fashioned in Confidence Friday Featuring Lyndsey Creecy

I am so excited to introduce to you all my new feature, Fashioned in Confidence Fridays!  Fashioned in Confidence is a term I coined back in 2017 when God downloaded the vision for Life Identified.  As some of you may know, Life Identified initially started out as an image consulting company where my sessions were not only focused on physical appearance, but on one’s identity, personality, beliefs, self-worth, and self-esteem; this is still relevant today, as I believe in working on the whole person and not just the exterior.  I wanted to ensure that I created a platform where women would be able to receive guidance and affirmations regarding their identity and how to confidently carry out the work that God created them to complete, all while doing so with style and grace. Identity has become a buzzword lately, as more and more people are trying to understand who they are and the purpose for which they were created. In fact, research shows that the millennial generation values purpose and looks to incorporate purpose in their career and day-to-day activities.  The official meaning of “fashioned in confidence” can be found below.  It outlines the fact that confidence cannot come from one’s physical appearance alone, instead, the belief in one’s self and their Creator are what makes them confident. 

“Fashioned in Confidence is not merely the physical appearance of an individual, but it is an assurance, a certainty that one carries with them mentally and spiritually; which, results in bold moves, positive thinking, edifying language, purpose-filled actions, and an identity that is sure of itself. This confidence does not rely on his/her circumstances to make them feel secure, accomplished, pretty/handsome, or joyful, instead, their confidence comes from within and shines on the outside. Lastly, this confidence does not compete with others, but stands to applaud others that are attempting great things.”

I am honored to introduce to you my first Fashioned in Confidence Friday feature, Lyndsey Creecy! Lyndsey is one of my best friends who I met years ago at the University of West Georgia (UWG).  Upon graduation from UWG, Lyndsey launched a blog and television show in Kentucky called, The Elle Scoop.  She asked me to be one of her first contributing writers for the blog where I wrote under the nom de plume “The Mollie Column” and discussed concerns related to life after college.  The Elle Scoop blog was such a great outlet for me considering my struggles with being a young professional in a world of opportunities. When I decided to launch Fashioned in Confidence Fridays, it was only right that I honor her by making her the first person to ever contribute to my blog, as she has been so instrumental in my growth as a person.  Not to mention, she is the epitome of being fashioned in confidence.  She takes the world by force with her unique charismatic approach, go-getter mentality, and her weapon, the Word of God. Take notes as she shares with you how she uses her words to create the life she wants for herself and her family.

“What You Say Over Your Life Will Affect Your Confidence”

“Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt.” ...Wait, what?!?

Lyndsey Creecy

It amazes me every time I think about the sayings I grew up hearing and accepting. Many of them I have come to understand were never true. Regardless of the saying, words do pack a powerful punch. They may not fracture your bones, but they can definitely rupture the peace in your life. They can shatter your perspective, or skyrocket your morale; they can even crash your confidence or be the propeller that allows your confidence to soar.

Words have always been a powerful tool. Just think, the creation of the world we live in was brought to life and into existence by WORDS. We form beliefs and even make life decisions based on words written in books, magazines, newspapers etc. Words are impactful and we are influenced by the very words we hear and speak.

Perhaps the most powerful and influential words are the words we tell ourselves - The words we whisper about ourselves when we make mistakes, the words we scream when we’re not pleased with our performance or how we look, or what we say when we look around and feel like we don’t measure up.

Last year, I experienced a life changing moment. After a long morning, a few of my co-workers congregated together for an afternoon chat. It was refreshing to take a break and enjoy their company. After a couple minutes of talking, (about what I don’t know), I remember hearing one of my co-workers flippantly saying “man, I’m so stupid.” We all laughed jokingly. Suddenly, another co-worker in close proximity gently said “hey, be nice to my friend.” We all turned around confused thinking there was a misunderstanding. After a brief moment of silence, he said it again “be nice to my friend,” as he pointed back to the young man who last spoke.

In that very moment I stood speechless as I processed what took place. For a second, it took me aback. Those words hit home for me so hard. And then suddenly, a light bulb came on; a paradigm shift took place. Often times I had set such a high standard for how I wanted people to treat the loved ones around me, but I wasn’t so sure that I had set that same standard for the way I treated myself. That day, I made an effort to set a new standard going forward.

“What you say over your life will affect... your self-esteem, your confidence, the understanding of how precious you are to God and the understanding of how valuable you are to the world.”

The words we speak over our lives create a perspective that we are unable to escape. Our words are also a depiction of how we feel. If we view our lives with rose colored lenses, we’ll see our world from an optimistic perspective. However, if our view is negative, that is all we will ever see. Regardless of the situation.

We’ve all heard the old adage: “Watch your thoughts they become words, Watch your words they become actions, Watch your actions they become habits, Watch your habits they become character, Watch your character it becomes your destiny.”

Our lives (i.e.- our confidence, self-esteem, our perspective, etc.) are controlled not only by the words we speak, but the thoughts we think. Therefore, in order to change your life, you must first change your thoughts.

Negative self-talk is dangerous to your world. James 3:6 says “...the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.”

Areas in our lives may not always seem so upbeat and positive. At times, it can appear that our circumstances are the worst they may have ever been, but we have to be careful not to reinforce our circumstances with negative words and thoughts, after all, the scripture (above) says that the whole course of our lives, which means from start to end, is set on fire by the words that we utter. Therefore, we have to be vigilant in making sure that we speak life and not death over our lives.

How can I speak life without lying?!?

Often times it’s difficult to find a place to start because the circumstances can be really bad. However, we have to remember to take our focus off of our circumstances and place it on God, remembering to thank Him for what He HAS given us and for who He is. We have many things to be thankful for. Giving praise and thanksgiving forces our minds to see the good. It changes our perspective.

“Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!” Philippians 4:4 NKJV

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” Philippians 4:6-8 NKJV

Change your thoughts, change your words, change your world.

Lyndsey Creecy

Until next time,

Be Fashioned in Confidence!